Ever wonder why your child constantly seeks your approval? It’s a natural part of growing up, but like most things, moderation is key. Let’s delve into the fascinating world of childhood validation and learn about healthy approval seeking.
The Need for Guidance
From a young age, children rely on adults for survival. Their world revolves around learning and navigating social cues. Adult approval signifies they’re “doing it right,” fostering a sense of security and belonging. Imagine a toddler proudly showing off a drawing, yearning for your “Wow, that’s amazing!”
How They Seek Your Green Light
Kids are strategic communicators (even if they don’t know it!). They might ask for reassurance (“Did I do good?”), seek help with simple tasks to showcase competence, or eagerly please with helpful behavior. Observe how a child tidies their room unprompted or fetches your slippers – a subtle (or not-so-subtle) bid for recognition.
Is It Necessary?
Absolutely! This healthy validation builds self-esteem and helps children develop a strong sense of self. It teaches them social norms and the importance of working towards goals. However, an excessive need for approval can hinder independence and inner motivation.
Moving On Up: From Approval Seeking to Self-Belief
As children mature, the focus should shift from external validation to internal confidence. Encourage them to explore their interests, celebrate their efforts, and learn from mistakes. Phrases like “I see you worked hard on that” or “What did you learn from this experience?” empower them to find self-worth beyond adult approval.
The Adult Echo: Still Seeking the Gold Star?
The need for approval can linger into adulthood. People pleasers, for example, might constantly seek external validation, sacrificing their own needs to appease others. This can manifest as difficulty making decisions or a constant fear of disapproval.
Building Your Inner Compass
The key to overcoming this is fostering self-compassion. Learn to identify your values and goals. Practice setting healthy boundaries and prioritize activities that bring you genuine satisfaction, not just external praise.
A Step-by-Step Guide to Self-Assurance
1. Identify Triggers: Recognize situations that make you crave approval.
2. Challenge Your Thoughts: Are your expectations realistic?
3. Focus on Your Values: What truly matters to you?
4. Practice Self-Acceptance: Celebrate your strengths and learn from your flaws.
5. Take Action: Pursue your goals, regardless of external validation.
By becoming self-aware and building healthy self-esteem, you can break free from the shackles of approval-seeking and forge an assertive, purpose-driven life.
Also Read TNV story on Undo the People-Pleaser in You: Know Why You Crave Approval | Why Kids Ignore Alarms: Powerful Wake-Up Tricks
References:
(1) Adolescence and parental approval | Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201103/adolescence-and-parental-approval
(2) Why We Seek Approval and How to Stop Approval Seeking Behavior. https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-drives-our-need-for-approval
(3) Approval-Seeking Behavior – PsychCare. https://psychcaretherapy.com/approval-seeking-behavior-signs-causes-and-how-to-heal/
(4) Parental Approval and the Adult Child – NEFESH. https://nefesh.org/MindBodyandSoul/parental-approval-and-the-adult-child/read